Highlight of the day:
Laughing with some 40th peeps about metaphors and dumb or dumb or dumb ; teachers entourage and backup plans
(can’t help but feel v responsible….)
But also -
Having loads of food for dinner and supper
watching ECACO spam the group w fuckload of fucks
(okay pretend I didn’t spell that out. but everyone’s so disorientated and and going totally insane)
Claudio Arrau Chopin Nocturne 12 Op. 37 No 2
(Not my favourite intepretation by Arrau is not bad)
This has been my fav for the past three years I think? For the fact that it’s a nocturne, I loved playing this because I always felt so at peace and satisfied while doing so. Recently I took out this out to play in preparation for my recital again and I got quite scared - how my interpretation has changed over time (so much Beethovenian pain and intensity have been added to a piece that’s supposed to be a calming night song) and I’ve lost the ability to be fully at ease while practising. It’s like you know how it is supposed to sound and you have done it before but it feels like you just can’t do it again? Not now?
These two weeks I cannot bear to spend 20minutes calming myself down before going into a 3hour practice anymore (with all that thoughts about Prelims revision & uni apps & H3 & coursework in my head, thoughts that keep circling like some damn vulture tryna EAT MY SOUL). And for all this years I have been controlling and articulating my playing so much that it has become subconscious - I can no longer suitably let myself go when the piece requires me to.
In the following weeks I have to “practise” being at peace with myself and the surroundings, and willing to let go. Maybe the practices will cultivate new habits and eradicate all that previous bad ones - maybe they will “heal” me in some ways? (If I even allow myself to spend some precious prelims revision time indulging in some practice? And I’ve yet to squeeze in time to run even though I really want to do it?)
Piano’s a reflection of self. I’ve gradually realised that going for classes is like clogging in self- reflection hours, where I check and note the stages and states of mind that I am in. So grateful that music has the power to keep me whole amidst this MESS -
YOU will not devour me // I will find my way through happy anyway anyhow // ugh
I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glance you don’t even have to talk…
I GOT TAGGED WORH
sometimes I think council is a way of life….in any case it’s life-changing and a reflection of all the possibilities in this trying existence
in whatever things that you do, you must always push yourself. just/a/little/more. you can never imagine - all the things you could have done if you just pushed a lill more. it’s not impossible. it’s within you.
"That was the best I’ve ever heard you play!"
omgomg but how do I crystallise and duplicate that seven minutes two more times for prelims and As
Piano Sonata No. 26 in E flat major, Op. 81a “Les Adieux” I. Das Lebewohl: Adagio - Allegro II. Abwesenheit: Andante espressivo III. Das Wiedersehn: Vivaciss…
how to do the 2nd and 3rd movement. and I thought 1st was hard enough to perfect mmmsighayeaye
(he’s glistening wow wow FOCUS)